Monday, December 05, 2005

Psych students have all the fun....

So.


My freak post has been inspired by a life awakening moment. I have no idea what the hell I am doing, and why I cannot function as a student. In 10.5 hours I have a mid-term that I have not started studying for, which I am also not doing that well in. Film Theory. Today I tried to struggle through the last bit of readings on Neo-Realism and Mass Distraction but I still didn't make it. I have 2 articles left that the Prof told us to know well, and ALL of my review to go.

Lately I've decided that I'm becoming lazier as a student or I'm becoming psychic. More and more am I able to sit down a week before a deadline and go, "well i finish reading this but then ill procrastinate all that day, and then get nothing done that day then leave that til the night of and sort of screw myself over on that." And guess what! It happens! I have a midterm at noon, and a take home due at 6pm. Having not finished the take home, I will now cease writing and begin cramming for Film Theory. Then I will run home and finish this fucking paper. It will be handed in late leaving me at a grand total of 3 out of 8 papers handed in on time. If only someone could tell me why. I mean, after tomorrow all of my exams and what not would be literally finished and yet, still nothing. I've probably written more here than I have for my paper.

Why?
Why?
Why?
Did I not learn anything from last year?
Will I learn anything from this?
No.
word count.
Why?
Not right. can't start. no will.
not enough notes. too many pages.
word count.
stretch. fill. reiterate. bullshit.
my future. her future. their future.
below the class median.
loner in the back.
smug. arrogant. sarcastic. mock.
mock.
mock.
everyone else is weird.
this is me. why cant I be me?
why cant I be happy?
could I just be good?
cant decide.
not up to me.
THEM.
i hate. i fear. i hide. i run.
i like movies.
the theater is dark.
i can hide. i can escape.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Procrastination 101

It's 4:35am. It's been a long time since I can remember being up this late and being COMPLETELY AWAKE! My last week up trying to stay up late every night to write essays has completely destroyed my body clock. I know feel more comfortable in the wee hours of the morning than in the sunlight. I'm currently finishing off a late paper on the switch from non-narrative films to the introduction of the old silent movies. It's fun and all but I'm still plagued by my curiosity over the function of university. I consider it a tremendous flaw that no matter what you choose to study, your "knowledge" is based upon the task of memorization (which is fine by me) and your ability as a writer. I cannot write, nor do I enjoy it. What bugs me is that U of T offers classes, as many other universities do, to improve your writing skill and prepare you for the world as an actual writer...as a profession. Me on the other hand don't wanna write shit. I would be much more happy locked away in some basement of a library sorting through dusty shelves of old films about canadian woodchucks or trying to classify the bizarre world that is the avant-garde. If I need to share my thoughts with others as part of my profession through written means, I will look for employment elsewhere. I am sick and tired of having my career, my future and my character based upon how well I can link two damn paragraphs together with a magical sentence that allows any person outside of my field, the ability to follow my arguments with ease. If you are outside of my field, why would i give a crap what you think. I would much rather have physical chemists telling me that they don't understand my paper because of an endless spew of terms instead of how poorly i introduced my main argument. And while this all goes on, I want to do nothing remove myself from the world through my constant struggle with the electric guitar, my new found love of Spongebob and my continuing love of Pink Floyd, which has now escalated due to my viewing of The Director's Cut of Live at Pompeii. Their choice of playing for themselves amidst the ruins and their fanatical obsession with giving the most accurate, and engaging performance has me at a loss for words at why I am sitting in classrooms and not out in the world making my mark. Or at the very least, doing something that gives me moral satisfaction and ultimate joy. For now, it is my portal. Take me away, Roger.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Enrole or Die! Like the old NES games!!!!

In exactly 98 minutes I will be enrolling into my courses for my second year of Universitay. Last year I had my mom do it while I was at work. This year I, yet again, have the day off so I've been preparing all day. I was on top of the game and all my courses were laid out nicely. I'm really excited about a few of them and I'm pleased that they're mostly half courses. None of that year long bullshit that almost killed me last year.

The Pros:
  • I'm home in case anything terrible happens
  • I get to blare Alice Cooper out onto the street while I enrole
  • I finally got to eat Burger King's Omelette Sandwich for breakfast AND LUNCH!
  • A Science Fiction Literature Course that to my knowledge contains 2001. YEAH!
  • A small possibility where people will only ask me to read books and not have to read about cultures or societies and there downfalls or uprisings.
  • I finally had the time and patience to shave off my chin shrub.

The Cons: (Here we go)

  • My sci fi course is on at the exact time and day as an intro to mythology class and a intro to philosphy class. how could all 3 of these classes be scheduled for the same Thursday at 6-9. I suppose they want to divide the coolness up and not let me hog it all. Pricks! Seperate them or Die!
  • I am now in a pickle for classes
  • WHOPPER - I failed to choose my major or specialist in film before this enrolling debaucle, so there is a very strong chance that I cannot get into any of my film classes. The same goes for a shakespeare class I wanted. FUCK ALMIGHTY!!!!! Oh well, I've already gone through the emotional trauma while I watched "Dude, Where's the Party?"
  • The sunburn on my neck is starting to peel.
  • Having shaved off the chin shrub, the hair on top of my head looks REALLY poofy now.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

That Cup of Coffee Burns....Down There.

I'm sure some, if not all, have heard of what is now dubbed, the "Hot Coffee Fiasco." The Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas game was given a Mature 17+ rating due to the violence and the drugs and the killing and the hitting of old ladies with golf clubs. Now it seems that a portion of the game never meant to have been included in the final edition has surfaced.

In the Game, your character, Carl Johnson or CJ, goes around the numerous cities on a criminal spree of orgasmic proportions. Along his journeys CJ encounters specific women that he may date. Some are found as a result of missions, some are found at random in parks doing yoga. You show up at the girls' houses to pick them up, then take them on a date consisting of either dinner, dancing, a drive or for some of the girls drive-bys. When the date is over you drive her home and if you have made enough progression with the girl, she will you ask you if you want to come in for....(GASP)...coffee.

The screen then switches to a canted shot of the front of the house and proceeds to pan and tilt to it's...delight. Ah yes, while moaning and groaning can be heard from within. CJ would then appear at the front door, a point would appear under "Number of Times Scored" in the stats section, and the game would continue.

It is a fairly unexciting event and most of the time I often reply negatively to the sex because it is such a time consumer. However, it seems that Rockstar Games "originallly" intended for the horizontal shuffle to be a little more explicit. You would see the characters in the pixelated nude. You would have the choice of changing positions and camera angles while setting the pace. Your progress would have been measured on the side of the screen by a status bar labeled "Excitement."

Having completed the game and tossing it aside like a used kleenex so that I may continue my learning with the guitar, I never heard about this until I read the article on the FRONT PAGE OF THE STAR. How embarassing. The article gave me the dirt and preached how everyone thinks this is disgusting and filthy and unsuitable for a child or teenager and that all copies should be destroyed.

First off, this is ridiculous. Who cares. I am extremely upset about this because if no one told me about it, I might not have been able to obtain a 100% completion status in the game.

Secondly, the rating was pushed from a Mature 17+ to an Adults Only 18+. This changes the legal buying age by one year. ONE YEAR. For some people it will take them a full year to beat the game. I had to play at least 2 hours a day for 3 weeks and I was lucky enough to finish most missions on my first attempt.

Third, those who have been saying this is unsuitable and that parents should be worried about there children......WHO IN THERE RIGHT MIND WOULD HAVE GIVEN THIS GAME TO A CHILD IN THE FIRST PLACE!?!? I believe that some teenagers can handle this game without a problem. Experienced gamers who start playing in there 5s and 6s develop that wall of disbelief early and are heavily fortified by 12 or 13. Goldeneye and Perfect Dark for N64 are being given to small children so obviously the violence and killing is not a problem and if a teen is not aware of the notion of a hooker, why go looking. Keep punching that cop, son.

Lastly, since the game now holds a "pornographic rating," Best Buy and Walmart have pulled the game from the shelves, enforcing their zero tolerance policy to the distribution of adult material. Good for them I guess. But what about those millions of copies already sold?

The Star ripped into the game and the developers for making such filth available to young minds. But for some obscure reason they published a photo of the game (just CJ standing beside a car), with the words "HOT COFFEE MOD @ GTAGARAGE.COM" across the bottom. So your message is, "PORN BAD. GO HERE." Bless your souls.

The mod patch for the game has been pulled of the site but I downloaded something off of Kazaa that says coffee mod. I'll keep you posted if it works.

For more info and some really funny pictures go to GTAnet.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

(Mic Tap)

My My. I've crossed over. I've become one of the blogging dead. How did such a sorry tale as this come about?

Why, I'll tell you.

The rubber business is still going strong. We went on our first overnight job a few weeks ago and we might have another trip to Sarnia and maybe even one to Ottawa. Sean (one of my two best friends since conciousness) and I are looking forward to all the time outside building our farmer tans before school starts. The difference between my forearm and my bicep is disgusting. I'm still marveled day after day by the amount of sun I get and the lack of peeling that occurs. Thankfully I still have all the glue to pull off to make up for it.

I've been busting my hump extra hard the last two weeks because I now have a goal. Sean has decided to go untaxed this year, save up his cash and buy a used Jeep TJ or YJ. Luckily Chrysler dropped the discount bomb on the public to help him out with another possibility. His grandfather worked for Chrysler so the cost is now doubly good for him. However, he found out only a few days ago that (zoom in) his parents will buy him a car instead. If he saves up his original plan of 5 or 6 grand for a used car his parents will "chip in" and help him buy a BRAND NEW JEEP, fully loaded I presume. Some people have all the luck, and then there are people like Sean who during his childhood owned many an expensive bike, a trampoline, a ping pong table, an air hockey table and the fundage to become a sports star. Bah.

I am excited about his jeep but even more excited about my goal. Like how I get you reeled with my news then throw in Sean so you remember that too? I know. I am currently saving up every penny I make this year so that I will around 8 or 9 thousand dollars before school. As of now I am currently searching the GTA for my own place. That's right. I'm movin out! ...hopefully...

Right now, I'm wishing (keep in mind the wishing factor) for a jr. bedroom with a balcony in a complex somewhere close to Yonge and Bloor or some kitchy little basement apartment that makes me feel like I'm living in an actual place instead of a numbered node in some architectural nightmare. But balconies have views and views demand sitting and boy do I love sitting.

So that's the current buzz flying through my head. I spend all day at work thinking about Bex at camp, my fantasy place, when the hell I'm going to get my act together and go film one of the dozens of film ideas I have for 1MFF and numerous worries that plague me daily. Such as the sad truth of the banana and it's destined demise. I'm not taking the news well. Seeing as how the banana is my favourite fruit, I don't really feel like picking a back up in anticipation of the extinction. But what really worried me last week was, when all the bananas in the world have disappeared.....what will happen to the monkeys?

As other side notes. I got my haircut on Saturday upgrading my appearance status from "Homeless and Vile" to "Just Plain Frazzled."

Hopefully you all got a chance to see a bit of Floyd at Live8 last weekend. I can't even put the feelings into words, but I seem to be doing well enough with gestures and grunts. It was so satisfying to see Mason and Wright playing Breathe and Money. Not enough credit goes out to them for what they did to make that album huge. I mean without Wright there would be NO Great Gig in the Sky. Watching Waters play with such confidence and delight gave me chills. Roger has always been my favourite even through the nasty times where everyone blamed him for the breakup. It doesn't matter to me what really happened because who looked more irritated during the reunion "Glowing Roger" or "Depressed David." Who I believe is a vampire after seeing those fangs during Money. I woke up at 9am and sat on the couch for the ENTIRE coverage of Live8 on CTV all the way to 1:30am.

But enough with this writing. It's midnight and I have to be up at 5:45. I still have to read another twenty pages of Golden Compass before bed.

VERBAL (V.O.)
And like that he was gone.
Underground. No one has ever seen
him again. He becomes a myth, a spook
story that bloggers tell their kids
at night. If you rat on your pop,
Phantom will blog you. And nobody
really ever believes.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

HELLO PRICKS! - Blunders

Today I deposited 3,000 bucks into my bank account. Rejoiced in the fact that I will never have to go back to buttfuck Brampton. Purchased Coldplay's new CD simply out of respect for their song Scientist which created some key moments in Bex/Me relationship. and DUN DUN DUN got the last copy of GTA: San Andreas at Future Shop.

Only to find out that the "Check ID" sticker was blocking the PC DVD-ROM logo. I didn't bother checking the system requirements since I was so giddy to see the box on the shelf.

"INTRODUCE US OR DIE!"

I do not own a DVD-ROM, never have a ever considered purchasing a DVDROM. It seems that I will be purchasing one tomorrow.

Fuckin Censory Wankers.

Oh and I have only one or two more Ebay packages til I own all of the known* (to my knowledge) issues that feature or star the Shroud.

Monday, June 06, 2005

Hello Pricks! I am JERRY sizzler and this is my sister.....jerry SIZZLER!

Work bad. Sleep good.

I'm currently bouncing off of the pillow onto my bike to get to work then falling back on the pillow. I was just getting used to the 12 hour work days but then this hot weather came and I want to cry.....but won't cause I can't spare the fluids. If I ever get a little spare time or if I injure myself badly enough to merit a day off, I'll post some video of my troweling at work. My spanky new video camera is cataloguing all of the useless information in my life at the current moment. I've already made an embarassing party video where the frame tilts sky high as I drunkenly fall backwards in a chair. I've been captivated by the Su|Do|Ku in the Star yet even more bewildered by the paper's idiotic statement of bringing the number puzzle to Canada. Are the writers at the Star too pompous to pick up a copy of the Metro? Those number puzzles (which had the sweet single digit per spot per box rule) GOT ME THROUGH HALF MY CLASSES! English Lit was numerical mayhem. Asses.

Sean, my good buddy from the grade before time, and I are finally getting into a rhythm at work. I yell at him, he yells at me, then we get in the truck and make yeti noises. Some things never change.

After much time of revision and reflection I've decided to finally mention the Star Wars phenomenon. Good? Yes Yes. Worth a 9th viewing? Yes Yes.

My troweller's hand has finally set in. A common affliction that hits most "COMPANY NAME HERE" employees during full swing. Every time you wake up, your fingers are fully closed and your thumb curves toward the fist. As you open your hand, all of your fingers extend upon command except the pinky which resists the instruction from your extending muscle until WHAM! The finger pops up to join the rest near full extension. You close your hand and the same thing happens. The pinky stops while everyone else races forward then SHOOP! It flies into a clenched position ahead of the pack. It's really funny to watch, even more delightful to feel...but good GOD!!! That is my whacking hand. Not to mention the remote hand and above hall, my coveted NES button hand. Without masturbation, TV or Nintendo...No, I don't even want to think about it.

"Nice duck."

"Thanks."

"Hey, wait a minute. How does a person afford a duck like that on a cop's salary?"

"I found it."

Mind empty. Wallet dwindling. Ebay has enticed me to purchase Matrix paraphenalia, as many different comics featuring "The Shroud" that I can get my hands on....and a Pink Floyd Tie-Dye shirt that I will reserve for trips and journeys.

Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas comes out for the PC tomorrow (or today, if you read the blogs in the morning) which means I just lost that hour of freedom before bed every night.

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Cou CHA-CHING

What an amazing weekend!

My birthday couldn't have gone any better! Perhaps more funds in my pocket but still an incredible and unforgettable weekend. For a few months I had been planning the birthday trip to go see The Led Zeppelin Symphony at Casino Rama in Orillia. The planning hit a few bumps in the middle of May as I struggled to get a credit card from CIBC. Within the last two weeks, I obtained the tickets, got a room booked and stole a car to drive (30 hours before). The plan was for Becca and me to go with my two best friends Adam and Sean. Sean being my current co-worker in Rubberland. Adam made it, but Sean was a bastard and ditched us so that he could work on Saturday and make 200 bucks. What a stupid move on his part. All day in the truck, I heard the ads for the concert, I heard Zeppelin and I saw numerous Rama buses speed past us. It was brutal. Mapquest said it would take 2 hours to get there. We left at 7 and got there at 8:11. I love my car and all it's speedy glory. I no longer drive on highways. I use them as my own personal race track. Until I'm pulled over for excessive speeding I will continue to get places in horrifying time. (Guelph to Allen Rd. in 23 Minutes.)

The concert was amazing. Not only will I be able to say that I have heard a live performance of Zeppelin's orcheastra pieces, like Kashmir, but I can also say that I have witnessed a live performance of Moby Dick, complete with the 10+ minute drum solo. I had goosebumps by the end, and had sunken back into my love of drums, questioning my pursuit of the guitar once more. A symphony was accompanied by a live rock band consisting of Alegra, playing an electric violin that was strapped to her shoulder and shaped like a lightning guitar, GEORRRRRRGE SANTRON on lead guitar, and two guys playing Bass and Drums. The singer.....was a tool. A bonified Tool.

"Have you guys got 7-11s up here? You know those things called Slurpies?"

Wanker.

He proceeded to banter between each song, quite poorly, about his history with Zeppelin. Which had the potential for interesting, if he had actually had a history with Zeppelin. He bought the records and listened to them......If only we all had those kinds of memories. He had the hair of Robert Plant but not the voice. The "highlights" of the show, that I overheard, were not the amazing sounds, like the crazy Cello players keeping up with "Whole Lotta Love" but a stupid stunt where some poor girl was given the oppurtunity to conduct the orcheastra during "Dancing Days" but really turned into her waving her hands in a circle for 4 minutes straight. Brutal. To cap it off. They ended the show then proceeded to do 3 encores of Stairway to Heaven followed by the other two. I can't remember what they were because I was shocked that they didn't put Stairway last, and I was also delighted to watch all the stupid people get up and leave then go and sit down between each encore. I wore my Zeppelin shirt and felt like an outcast amongst the crowd of 40 and 50 year olds.

We left the show and went back to the Best Western and got a few drinks and some room service with 5 minutes to spare. We watched the beginning of Clerks on my portable DVD then fell asleep.

Free Continental Breakfast followed by a trip to the Gym. I pretty much just sat on the bike to keep up the biking everyday notion but then had a lot of fun sprinting on a treadmill. It had been a while since I was on a treadmill, or in a gym for that matter. I got such an adrenaline rush after i got that thing really going. I really liked the notion that I was going so fast that something terrible could happen at any moment. Becca and I went back to the room and collapsed on the bed while Adam did a little studying outside. Counters are fun. We drove around looking for the downtown strip and found a street festival then ate lunch at Weber's. We then went for a walk on a nearby nature trail where I had fun with my new video camera and all of the crazy picture effects it has. Saw a duck bite another duck in the ass. We went back to the hotel and I read a bit of Fear and Loathing (to get in the mood) while Becca and Adam took a nap. It was so hard to not just leave them in the room. With no gambling on Friday night, it felt like 6am Christmas morning. The fun and excitement were right there and it was happening that day but it was too early. We decided to watch the rest of clerks, a family guy and two 70's show while we drank some beer we picked up in town. Only halfway through the beer did I finally realize Adam's subconcious joke. We couldn't decide what beer to get so he just picked one of the featured on the wall that he liked. We got a twelve pack of Lucky.

We finally got to the casino via shuttle and it all went down. We got into the casino and it was literally a rollercoaster ride.

Monday, May 16, 2005

Trampled Under Foot

So today is Monday. I am exhausted. While Monday is day 1 of the week for some, this is now day 8 from last week. Worked right through the weekend, and not in a fun, just got to finish up something small. We busted our humps on sat and sun to try and finish this pool deck in Brampton. We had to bump up our installation date because we had specialists flying in from Phoenix to show us the product. We had a different kind of rubber and the bonding chemicals were a little different. The father and son team, both named Bill, were talkers. One was around 50 and decided that endorsing this amazing product for 8 hours, which we had already purchased, was the best thing to do. The father, who was 77, was described to be a rubber trowelling machine, by cutting our standard number of required man hours by 10. He walked around the job site, lifting nothing, with a glow of wisdom and skill. Naturally, I named him Yoda. The Master Troweller. By the time the two Americans had stopped talking they had proved, with numerous examples, every damn stereotype about stupid Americans you can think of. They made fun of us because we weren't Canadian due to the lack of our use of the word "Eh!" But then began starting every sentence with, "I tell you what..."

Tim and I imagined every inhabitant of Arlen, Texas as a rubber salesman on the drive home.

I've been in Brampton the last 3 days and WE'RE STILL NOT DONE!!! We stopped today because we ran out of rubber and half to wait for more to be shipped. We move to Richmond Hill tomorrow. While I will enjoy the shorter drive home, I will definitely miss watching the planes land and take off alongside the 401. It was interesting to watch the line up of planes coming and going, but after the first day I lost it and started a cosmic mind journey about the amazing progress of mankind. You start with visualizing a field then think about the work and planning involved in creating the highway and its over and underpasses, then move on to the brilliance of flight, then the airport, then the creation of fences, and every other knick knack in sight. Most importantly all the signs. The road system of Toronto blows my mind some days. How did we get from a field to multiple traffic lights conducting cars with multiple turning possibilities through designated lanes? I smell a one minute film, but then I realize it's just the smell of extensive computer graphics.

On the topic of One Minute Films, I am ecstatic that my plan, concocted last November of using my first rubber paycheck to buy a sweet camera, is almost a reality. I've been grabbing the comparison charts from Best Buy and Future Shop comparing models and getting familiar with the language before I head down to Henry's. According to the fliers, I might be getting a Canon Optura 60 or GL2. (They only had Canon fliers.) I am really excited to start filming all the random things that have been entering my brain since school started. I'm going to make a Benny Hill-esque time lapse video for the company about the process of installation, and then it's all about documenting my life for when I have the Alzheimer’s or the momentary lapse of reason from the mind drugs and taping the clouds. I worry already that instead of taping beautiful plastic bags blowin in the wind, I'll have a shelf of endless footage of clouds and sunsets. We'll see. I've got a few ideas for OMFF to try out and a few side projects just for me. The first being a tribute to Yonge St. where I will start at the bottom and film all the way to Barrie then run it super fast. I'm excited.

Of course I'll also be taping "adventures." Mainly so I can remember what happened.

These are very exciting times.

I might have gotten my buddy Sean a job with the company too. Excellent. Maybe I can start remolding Sean on a daily basis. With 12 hour days, he has to listen to me. What else is there to do?

Oh right. Complain.

It turns out that I'll be working all the way to Thursday for an 11 day week. Friday is off for Recuperation from Revenge, and possibly a second viewing. But this just in!!!!! We might be working Friday for a Room to Grow taping. As much as I love to see myself on television (THE MOTHER AND BIBLE OF ALL THINGS IMPORTANT), I might have to hide my eye baggage and miserable look and show off some ass. From what I hear, there's a good shot of me bending over a mixing bucket on the last one.


Oh yeah and I took a huge chunk out of my hand moving a huge pool cover, had to go to the hospital, sit in a waiting room for 90 minutes enduring the agony and pain of having to listen to Pokemon: Advanced Challenge Marathon. I did however read Dr. Seuss' "Hand Hand Finger Thumb" with my good hand and found no words to describe the delight and humour with myself.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Recent Gripes

1. Yo Andy! What's your deal? I remember chatting with you after OMFF and that you like College football(?) Especially a team in Florida (?) I know you play poker with some of the blogmasters, but other than that, the Andy Profile Card is quite empty. Keep the coolness flowing. I'll see you at the next gathering.

2. As martini-splashing thrilled I am with the fact that Scott Thompson is hosting a new show, I am also quite peeved with the title. Did I miss a memo or a third thumb flying into the air that proclaimed "that Greek movie about a large wedding which must not be named" the greatest flick of all time? Or did everybody love it just out of sheer pleasure in annoying others with the title.....or that stupid phone headset gag? I would have been happy to see the movie make some cash, get acclaimed and sit on the "PJ's Picks" shelf at Blockbuster next to "The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari" (this choice does not reflect PJ's views in any way but was chosen out of a sheer lack of love, by the way). Instead I am forced to endure endless and relentless (my little Dutchess named Tess) parodies involving Billionaires, Obnoxious jerks and stupid bosses. Sadly, the name train made a stop in queertown and we have "My Fabulous Gay Wedding" (though I do love the world Fabulous). Scott, I would sit through the entire run of Everybody Loves Raymond if I knew you had a guestspot, so don't worry I'll be there.

3. Ray Romano is a show ruining, self-plugging, unfunny whore.

4. I had to spend $136.73 on a pair of sneakers today not because they were the latest fashion but because they were the only ones that fit me and weren't "blingy" or "commercialized." It's not really a gripe, but come on! 138! That's $68 a foot.

5. I will end this current vent on a severely sad note. In Future Shop, and sadly most other video game stores the shelves look like this:



____________$9.99________________________$39.99

What a sad, sad day that a quality, innovative game is priced as NHL 98 or Hexen for 64. (Hexen!...oh that's right.......I went there.). Boobs and bouncing is all good, but this game warped my mind at the complexity and level of involvement. I'm happy that it's low priced so some kid with only a few bucks can get sucked in by the cover and enjoy it as much as I did, but as we know, price is in the top three of a game's status amongst it's competitors. I suggest everyone give it a shot. For 10 bucks, why not?

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Four Months Later, The Throne Awaits.



It's been a helluva long time since I've seen my best friend. He's spent the last 4 months in Costa Rica at a Butterfly Conservatory leading tourists around paradise. Sean and I go to U of T, so I have seen him on the few occasions but it just isn't the same without the voice of reason. Well.....not so much reason as mediator. Or decision maker. Today is the most glorious day because Adam King has returned to his native land. I've got to make the most of my friend time before he heads back to school on saturday, he says friday or saturday but Sean and I will gag him and throw em in the trunk.

RED (V.O.)

I hope I can make it across the
border. I hope to see my friend
and shake his hand.
I hope the
Pacific is as blue as it has been
in my dreams.

I hope.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Signs that the Future is Coming

1. (should have been posted months ago)
On the back of Neil Young's "Greatest Hits" CD, it says:
"Greatest hits inclusion based on original record sales, airplay and known download history."

How freakin' amazing is that?!? My only problem with the CD is that Sugar Mountain wasn't on it, which I believe is a widely Downloaded song. Maybe it just didn't fit.

2. I got a message on MSN that someone I didn't recognize had added me. Perhaps it was a student from school who I met or some old distant friend who looked me up. Nope.

Powerade says:
hello

OH therapy, can you fill the void? says:
hey

OH therapy, can you fill the void? says:
what is up

Powerade says:
not much

OH therapy, can you fill the void? says:
this is brandon right?

Powerade says:
as in me=brandon?

Powerade says:
or are you brandon?

OH therapy, can you fill the void? says:
yeah as in you are brandon

Powerade says:
then no this is not brandon. My name's Steve. How can I help you?

OH therapy, can you fill the void? says:
um sorry

Powerade says:
what email were you looking for?

OH therapy, can you fill the void? says:
pharohofthenight@hotmail.com

Powerade says:
ahhh

Powerade says:
this is phantom ofthenight@hotmail.com

OH therapy, can you fill the void? says:
oh wow i feel retarted

OH therapy, can you fill the void? says:
wow

OH therapy, can you fill the void? says:
sorry

Powerade says:
just think of it like hitting the 7 instead of the 4

MY VERY FIRST wrong "internet email dial"-a thing!!!! Ah well, its been an hour and a half and I'm still talking to them. Seems like a nice person. I'll just add them to the "Don't Trust" group.

My Final Exam in Intro to Film

Monday, April 25, 2005

Hitman

Last night, I made a revolutionary discovery while talking to Becca. While I have a definitive distaste for religion, I feel like I need a priest to marry me. That whole "official" feeling seems to be as necessary as a white collar around the neck.
This talk was all spurred by recent news that some friends of "ours" (yeah, the young bloggers) are gettin hitched.

This discovery was only topped by my epiphany with the word "abuse." All of a sudden mid-sentece I stopped and realized "abuse" is nothing but ab-use like abnormal. It blew my mind.

Today I have to cram a year of film readings into my tiny head, while still maintaining my sanity. Perhaps I will walk to the beer store and get some more of those Kick guarana beers. I'm starting to like them, they seem to work on me. Or maybe I'll just drink some coffee.

Coffee? Beer. Caw-fee? Bee-ear. C-o? B-e.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

A Million Bright Ambassadors of Morning



Thanks to the Floyd, I've actually been studying for about 40 minutes. Somebody call Larry King. I demand a mention on the ticker bar.

I Still Can't Think Of Anything

This is where I would have posted a picture of a hemp leaf in honour of the date, but I just don't feel like it suits me anymore.

What the hell is going on?

Let me check my boob. Yeah, there's a 30% chance it's raining right now.



I'm in such a good mood. I woke up around noon, ate breakfast on the porch and watched the rain. Then I went biking in shorts and a t-shirt and came back home sopping wet. Sometimes you just need to wash out your head with a little fresh rain water. The new water control bike tires were amazing. Gliding through curbside ponds couldn't have made me happier.

Now I have to try and teach myself the Irish Language in about 10 Hours. We'll see how the day ends.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

For a non bike post

(If you feel like this is a lot to read in a day, feel free to read one a day. I probably won't write anything tomorrow. Having said that expect a thesis.)

To step back from the current "Peddle Power" movement, lets relax with some good old fashioned Matricity.

The Matrix A-Z

Blackbird - The Beatles

Other songs that I would play for my bike's funeral:
Green Eyed Lady - The Guess Who
Anything from Sabbath Bloody Sabbath
Neon Knights - Black Sabbath
One of These Days or Echoes - Pink Floyd
or the too cliche:
Bicycle Race - Queen
Bike - Pink Floyd

I'm not saying that she's out for the count but she has been severely wounded. With no wheels, no peddle, bad breaks and a broken bullhorn she's not the starlight she once was. It's going to be a little weird riding the new bike.

For my entire high school career that bike was my life. I feel like no matter how hard I try I could never do it justice with a single post. For 4 years it was an extension of my body. The shit that I pulled on that bike, I know I'll never do with this one. It's sad to say, but I've lost a bit of that "balls to the wall" riding in the valley.

I was never really excited when I got that bike. It never replaced anything since the previous was long gone and stolen. I do remember that I was proud of the 18 gears. I recently realized that the notion of men buying Dodge Vipers to make up for the wee willy extends back to the days of biking. It seems clear as day now that the more gears you had on your bike, the more of a man you were. A close comparison:

Men
"Only a real man can handle all that horsepower."

Boys
"Only a real man can shift through all those gears."

To pick up Women
"Yeah, it goes from zero to 60 in under 3 seconds."

To pick up Girls
"Yeah, it's got up to and including 18 gears. I can get up to about 50 on that baby."

It obviously makes sense that I was very hesitant to part with my peddle penis after all the years. I can ride that bike through anything. After you crash on a bike so many times (about 50 or 60 i would guess), you don't really fear the impending doom of running reds or cutting across bridges. That's why I think it's going to take me forever to get anywhere now. Until that first tragic wreck, it's gonna be "nice and easy does it."

Memorable Moments

- Riding down the hill without brakes behind the Redway Loblaws....and surviving.
- the ride down Sunnybrook Hill after the infamous Shroom Trip of 2004
- dressing all in black, sneaking out at night at riding around during the blackout.
- The Big Crash on my way to Spiral Garden where I broke my first bone. That crash crippled the bike for than me causing me to carry it all the way to Spiral. That crash will always keep strong in my mind that pain heals. (as do untended bones)
- the day sean saw me fall of a stone wall and discovered that when I'm REALLY hurt I don't actually say anything instead of my constant whining.
- goin 50+ down eglinton in the middle of the road at 2am running every red I saw with no other car in sight.
- the day I almost left my bike in the valley after carrying it through loop roots for 3 miles......then carrying it another 5 home.
- That first summer when I knew every tree stump in every trail in the valley.
- I was riding home from school on Donlands when I went to do a wheelie of the curb only to see the front wheel drop off the bike and roll away. I slid on the fork for a foot or two before toppling end over end onto the runaway wheel, smashing the rim, sending a stray spoke through my right leg...then carrying the bike home from Donlands and O'Connor.
- Ramming the bike into portables between games during my soccer referee stint
- Riding down all the stairs
- Wearing plastic bags over my sneakers as I trudged through rainfall after rainfall
- Grade 10 where I biked to school everyday except for the days I played hooky.
- the winter of grade 10 and loving every penny I saved on bus fare.
- My infamous 7 minute 8 second ride to school.
- Cruising with the boys

(Gotta end it before this turns into a yearbook comment or the carrying moments outnumber the actual riding moments.)

This no smoking business had better pay off.



Drivers of Toronto -

You've been warned.

I'm back.

Monday, April 18, 2005

Streets of Suspicion

I'm past the two month marker on the no smoking and I found out today that there's an anti-depressant called Zyband(?) that is prescribed for the quitting. Why have I been suffering?

I went in for my last visit to Psych Services this year. With my summer job coming up it looks like there will be no time for the self-healing. At the end of this (non-drugged) mystical, introspective journey the tally stands thus far:

Possibles
Obsessive Compulsive
Depressed
ADD
ADHD
Severe Procrastination
Unknown Learning Disability caused by Grief
Unknown Learning Disability caused by Stress
Nervous Breakdown

Guarantees
Social Anxiety Disorder

And I only went in to see why I couldn't concentrate. It seems the drug of choice for me would be something that sounds like WELL-BEAUT-TRIN. It would keep my awake and help with the sadness. It kind of disturbs but I seem to be dealing with the daily dose of down time. I know what time of day to attempt something critical and I've become much more comfortable with letting others help me or drag me to things. Now I just have to follow up on the endless amount of referrals that I've been given. It seems that everybody wants to help....by sending me to someone else. Drive to Barrie, go upstairs, get downtown, call this person. It's all fine and good that these people want me to see the best but it was only until today that the Doc finally realized that it took me a few months to visit an office inside of a building I've lived in since childhood. He's not a sharp guy but I can't really blame him. He's working in a dysfunctional office. I mean, he has a blind that covers where a window would be, if it wasn't a large piece of drywall from the office next door. Why put up the blind, I ask. Why?

As of now the journey is off to some doctor at Sunnybrook which I feel is the place to go. I've got some leads on some ADD testing, but I'll admit I think I'm doing this just because I really enjoy bizarre testing. Two months later, no questions are answered, numerous have been raised and I now freak out even more in public. Walking down the street has become a test of willpower. How long can I stare at the sidewalk? If I don't I seem to make eye contact with EVERY person I pass. I know this might be a shared curiosity between travellers but I get a eeby Geeby vibe. Perhaps I can make some sort of minute film on my paranoia with pedestrians.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Buckle Your Seatbelt Dorothy.....NEW ZUMA!!!

I'll let that sink in.

Now that your giddy, I'll continue. I made my daily peek into Shockwave and now I long for a credit card. It's called Luxor. It's a little different from the psychadelic, mind-numbing, ball-spewing, rotating world of happiness, but it's not far off. These differences seem to enhance the original gameplay or tweak an old feature to make it appetizing again. Instead of the frog in the middle, you have a pair of Egyptian wings at the bottom a la Breakout. There are many more bonuses this time around as well.



Power-ups now fall from the sky, letting you choose when to fire any one of your powerups. The classic powerups are back with new items such as lightning bolts, fire bombs and wild balls.

It's got an Egyptian theme this time instead of the old Mayan caves. The demo is available on Shockwave offering 60 minutes of pure fun. The blurb says there are 88 levels of madness to get through. I got to stage 5 in the demo and I DIDN'T SEE ONE LEVEL REPEATED!!! None of that "same level, more balls" crap. Now I need to buy Betrapped and Luxor. I'm gonna max that baby out in no time.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Now Get Out!

whatever happened to Beat the Geeks? Blaine Capatch?

Other than Troma, does anyone really care?

What a Day to Have a Small head!

This sounds more ergonomic than my Batman gloves but obviously not as cool.



Apparently the Lord of the Rings The Musical tickets are on sale now. Just Heresay. Some girl in my Irish class said she had just bought her tickets but you know that university crowd. They'll say anything to try and outcool my Neil Buchanan button. Give it up folks! Neil's the champ.

Kudos to Daniel Craig. I await your "why did I do this" look in 2006. I anticipate many articles in the near future about how broccoli favours things. (I'm talking about that long running franchise that doesn't involve wookies. In case you didn't know.)

Friday, April 01, 2005

I'm movin like molasses....




Last year I felt like Andy bustin' out of Leaside! Things were good, I kept my cool. This year's a little different.

"Fuckin' cats crawlin' up trees....."

By the way Fellini is a bastard.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

I thought of this last night instead of working.

If you remember back to Don McKellar's Last Night, there's the song "Guantanamera" at the end. Next time you hear it, instead of singing:

Guantanamera
Guajira Guantanamera
Guantanamera
Guajira Guantanamera

sing:

One Tiny Boobay
I Need a One Tiny Boobay
One Tiny Booooobay!
I Need a One Tiny Booooobay!

Monday, March 28, 2005

Like A Coin That Won't Get Tossed

Yah, don't bother checkin the blog for a while. I figure I'll give you all the heads up and allow you the freedom of not having to Control+N a new window for me. And I know you madly click the links on other peoples sites to get here so give the buttons a rest. School has become my prime topic of avoidance, so I'm going to divert my blog avoidance to the papers and reading. Instead of listing a whole bunch of things that I will blog later in my life, I'll just write them on this piece of paper here. suckers

If you miss me, send me an email, and in return you will recieve a shiny nickel!

(Nickels may or may not actually exist. Offer valid until 05/05. Not Applicable in Quebec. Offer Void in Utah. Not Redeemable by a Rebecca Wood.)

Monday, March 21, 2005

Happiness is a warm gun

While still steamrolling on my recent vibe of Fight clubby goodness, I found this quiz, which may possibly be the best Fight Club quiz ever!

Other news that I have forgotten to mention.

I've started trying to write crosswords. I've always wanted to submit something to the school paper, and the world could use more free crosswords to do on the subway or during class. As of now, I know of 2 campus crosswords out of at least 15 papers. This is madness. I'm going to try and write about 20 over the summer and submit them for a paper to use throughout the year. And I've having a lot of trouble. It's hard trying to fit actual words around the clues that I want to put in. My favourite clue so far is "Sandlot King - _____ "The Jet" Rodriguez" which I know is easy but what the hell, it makes people remember Sandlot. Another is Fill in the Blank - "Blanky-o, blanky-o, blank-y-OOOOooooooo." I feel like this will be hard cause as much as I want people to get the clues, I want it to be hard.

My other news is that the curling club is home to some Evil....and Dead celebrities...not to mention Musical. This is where I would run and get the name of the actor from the programs I saved from both shows but I don't care enough. He was the guy who kept saying "What a stupid, bitch!"....the horny one. Well he was practicing with two other guys at work today in his snazzy evil dead jacket. If it wasn't for the fact that I was done work and exiting the building, I might have gone out and said hi.

I think that's about it, other than the fact that I'm playing Texas Hold'Em on Tiger Gaming every waking moment. (damn Celebrity Poker and double damn Dave for being the host)

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Joan Cusack, you my only friend!

It has been 9 days since my last blog, and I'm still thinking of things to blog. My last week has been a blur. I got bogged down writing a Hedwig essay which caused me to make an appointment with Psych services. I went in and had a friendly chat with a true, stereotypically defined "queerman." We had a little chat, he asked me a bunch of questions and I found out I'm Schizophrenic with suicidal tendencies. Or I would be if that was true.

There were a few what ifs and a maybes that he threw in my direction. I went into that meeting fearing that I was depressed or Bi-polar (a la Degressi), but I came out even more paranoid about what was wrong with me. I came out with a possibility of Depression or "Severe Procrastination." Is it wrong that I'm kind of excited about the latter. Is every one else really excited about ladders now?

All my life I've thought that ADD was the one card in my hand in the deck facing backwards. I knew it was there, but I never really bothered to turn it over and check. Ever since that meeting my procrastination has become much worse.<-- Unintentionally, Fries were put in an oven and almost burnt, 3 games of Spider Solitaire were played, and a dinner was eaten between these two arrows--> I'm supposed to go make an appointment in Accessibility Services for something but I don't know for what. He did tell me that I suffer from Social Anxiety Disorder, yet another SAD. So if I don't talk to you when I see you, it's not my fault, I'm just waiting for a humongous, non-awkward lull where I can slip in a "how do." The only other thing I have to tell about my psych appointment was I asked him if there was anything I could do to stop the procrastination. I said, "...like drink green tea, or eat a lot of ginseng?"

I thought, "... Red-and-blue Tuinals, lipstick-red Seconals."

I never get a moment's peace.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Out of the Blue And Into The Black

Right now, the 19 year old Stephen fresh out of high school is sitting in my head, bottle of Bourbon in hand, rambling. "We had a deal. We were done with school. You fucked yourself on this one. " I've been thinking a lot about that euphoria I had where school was no longer needed, yet I find myself sitting here at 12:30 voluntarily freaking out about writing an essay on a movie that I happen to love. Is this what happens to grown ups? They're fed through the machine, happy exuberant teens turned into numb wandering sheep.

At this point in my life there is so much I want to do, but it costs so much money. If I finish this university beast and get a well paying job, will I ever use that money for it's original purpose? Hell no. Right now, crime's looking pretty good. I need the funds for my fantasies.

Right now, I keep daydreaming about if I owned my own chopper. I wouldn't outfit it with missiles or bullets but BIG FUCKIN SPEAKERS!!!!! Nothing would please me more right now then to hover a chopper a hundred feet over St. George and Harbord/Hoskin and just BLAST "Keep On Rockin' In The Free World." "Another Brick In The Wall Pt 2" is a very close second. It would have to be load enough that every person in a one mile radius would have to stop what they were doing. Just imagine every class on the U of T campus, and all those students at the major junction just stopping and listening. God that would be sweet. But would that feeling be worth all this work?

I have no tolerance when it comes to following orders, which is ironic, because my tolerance is really high when it comes to...

So I got about 3 hours of sleep last night then went to class this morning. I didn't get any prep work done on this essay that's due tomorrow and so far it looks like I'm setting myself up for another Magic Realism paper. I left my class and stood there contemplating whether left would get me home faster than right. Left led to Bay but right led to Museum. However, left was a longer walk. I decided to go left so that I could break my five at Timmy's in order to achieve the ghastly TTC fare. (How long before student fare jumps from 1.70 to 2 dollars?!?!?)

I was debating my ability to write essays and more honestly attend school before I saw Mark Mckinney. MARK MCKINNEY!!!!!

MCKINNEY!!!!!! I actually stopped dead in my tracks and as I searched his face for flaws in case I was actually hallucinating, he looked at me, noticing my gaze and obvious inability to put one foot in front of the other. Like a true celeb he looked extremely tanned, deep in thought and was smoking.....bastard. He looked around then said "Hi." Words cannot masculate the giddyness I produced. I said that he looked like he had to be somewhere but that I wanted to say how big a fan I was and how I loved the contact lens monologue from KITH. He seemed detached until I asked him if he was ever going to perform Fully Committed again. Then he lit up, did the whole humble thing and shook my hand. I said goodbye and that KITH should do another tour cause the last one was brilliant. He thanked me and he was gone. Off into some copy place.

I finally got home and wanted to blog this but I couldn't get on. So I went back to bed. That was 6 hours ago, and since then I had a panicky dream that I had to go to work and then a much more satisfying dream.

My mom and I just moved into a new place. It was owned by a landlord who controlled all the houses on the block. Our greeter told us that our new couch would arrive the next day but as we left, the arm in the lock on the front door broke making the door unclosable. My mom went out to the car not caring about the lack of security while the greeter and I tried to fix the problem. We flipped the door over (his idea) but the lock was still broken and now there was an odd 7 inch gap at the bottom. Then I began searching the rest of the house for a replacement door. We checked the entire floor until I found a perfect size with lock. Then the phone rang and I woke up.

Cha?

This Is The Greatest Blogging Moment Of My Life

Hopefully this will take a second to load on your computer and I can get in a quick goodbye!

As soon as this puppy finishes you'll be whisked away to a Blogger alert page. All is well, for that is the price I pay for paying tribute to gods!
Or you could just click stop after the movie before it redirects you. Whichever's easier.
Click Here For ACDC Goodness

Didn't want to ruin that song for ya!

Monday, March 07, 2005

Holy Floydian Odyssey!

Just something else that I must buy and will inevitably post-pone schoolwork.

Think Pink....Yesterday

For some strange reason I never got around to blogging this.

Happy Birthday David Gilmour!



At a youthful 58, I hope you continue to make me question my sanity!

This is what he looks like from a drug-free perspective, ie you.

Friday, March 04, 2005

I must be slipping in my old age!

So it turns out that yesterday was payday. For the first time in my entire run of working at the curling club, I forgot it was payday. Bwa?

So it's a quarter to 1 on a friday. I'm sitting in Robarts on the 13th floor (my favourite floor) when I should be in an English tutorial. Last night I believed my attendance to be a make or break factor for that class but I remembered that this crucial piece of paper that I needed was available online. So I didn't go. I have to kill time before my 2 o clock lecture which I don't want to go to. I don't want to ruin this book since I haven't read it yet, and I don't feel like trying to keep myself awake for 2 hours before I go to work. I think I'll go nap in the backseat of the car until 4.

I was up til 4:30 last night tossing and turning. Nothing like staying up for a good solid 20.5 hours when you're already exhausted. I think I was up so late because I had a great day yesterday and I didn't really want it to end. I feared that madness would be nipping at it's heels and of course, this morning sucked. I was woken up again at 8 and as I lay in bed contemplating which object around my bed would make the best melee weapon, my mother hovered around me cleaning up all the crap on my floor. I really thought that she and I were past this. It's my damn room, I know where everything is, when it gets dirty I'll clean it. She asks me how I know what's on this floor when there's so much stuff. Simple, I was the one who put that stuff there. I just like to think of my floor as the desk that I never had.

Car nap here I come!

Thursday, March 03, 2005

But this is a shop for ladies!

Now that I've finally used that as a blog title I assume that I should blog.

The past while has been very disorienting. I've been down and out for a while so I decided to do some research on just what the hell is going on inside my head. I found a checklist on the web for symptoms of depression and a few of them kind of shook me up a little. Heather from work mentioned that I've been very different the past few days which doesn't seem to mean anything cause she only saw me on Sunday when I had to cover someone else's shift and the dishwasher broke and flooded the entire the kitchen and room below. She said I was irritable. No shit. You mop up gungy water (with sponges in my hands for a bit) and you try to be Marty/Mary Sunshine.

Life has become difficult lately. I'm falling behind in schoolwork and not really attending all of my classes. I don't really go to the tutorials anymore since I have grown tiresome of sitting in a chair for an hour and not talking. I've been dodging my seminar every week ever since I passed on the essay, and I even missed yesterday's screening because I knew that I could not deal with the movie. This is doubled with the fact that the new guy Evan at work (my padowan) broke his collarbone when he slipped and fell on the ice. My one fear working at the curling club was that I would slip and my pebbling can would crack open unleashing a ice-flattening wave of water. Well it happened to him, not me. So I'm slightly grateful except that since I'm really the only part-timer there (ever since Heather switched to "office duties" which really means she's slow on the ice and doesn't like cleaning) I have to pick up Evan's shifts. Pat has also been asking for a few nights off, and I feel like he more than deserves it. He's been closing Monday to Friday since October. So now I'm working like a mofo when I should really be studying and catching up. I worked last night for Pat and I'm going in tonight as usual before I have to close Friday and Saturday and go in for my regular Sunday shift. It looks like I'll be at work on Saturday til around 3 in the morning and I have to be in at 11:30 the next (same?) day. I wish we had that 9 hour turnaround that IATSE enforces. So I'm going to be tired and blogless unless of course I repeat last year's sweet ass haul from the raffle. Then I'll have to brag.

I've been playing a lot, I mean a lot, (ALOT) of Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II lately. It seems that if I have a moment to spare I'm in the game trying to be as freakin evil as I possibly can. I rob every single person I can, Force Persuade people into giving me their money then jumping into pits or off of stations, and sass-mouth anyone I damn well please. I wanted to post a pic of my man all angry looking with the swirly red smoke in the background that shows just how freakin evil he is, so I'll try that when I get home. I fell like everyone should play this game....or at least watch me play this game and let me share the Jedi love. I fear Bex has become extremely bored with my monotonous discussion of just how sweet this game is. When she asked me what I did that day, I started thinking "Well after I landed on Korriban...." There's a little too much evil in me right now (game and mind produced) that I felt like I had to counter-balance with some goodness.

When I closed last Sunday, I had my headphones on to drown out the Oscars so that I wouldn't ruin the yawnfest when I got home. Aside from vacuuming to Billie Jean (which I think should have been on my life's TO-DO list since it was so much fun), I listened to "Cool" from West Side Story while I worked on the ice. I got a craving for the theatrical thugs. I've been watching the movie every night since. I can't believe I forgot just how much I love that movie and I was a little surprised that I knew the lyrics and dialogue so well. I started figuring out who I would want to be in the movie and who I would actually be (Former: Ice Latter: that girl who follows them around). Now that I'm watching it over and over it keeps surprising me with how well the movie and audio are synced up and just how great the choreography is.

The only problem with this lifestyle is that I keep forgetting that if I sass-mouth people on the street I don't have my trusty saber or a 7-foot walking carpet behind me. On the other hand, I have no trouble remembering single lines from WSS that repeat in my head like a broken record. All I really need is some Battle Meditation to clear my mind. Stupid non-existing force.

Monday, February 28, 2005

Two Peas Walk Into A Pod...

All of a sudden I just remembered my dream from last night. It's amazing what watching the oscars will do to you. Paul Giamatti was driving me around in a small Euro sports car through what looked like a mesh between Markham and every country town I've ever been to. I was on my way to my first day of university and I kept getting worried that Paul, who was acting like Harvey Pekar minus the voice, didn't know where he was going. So we continued to drive down random city streets until we came to a drive-thru Canada Trust. We went around back and ended up in some grave site with huge stone slabs and figures. He turned to me and said that he wasn't living a life he was just killing time. He told me to get out because there were people outside who would actually take me to school. I left him crying in the grave site, and I walked outside to meet the stereotypical Genereal character from all my video games dressed and dressed in Beige camo. He smiled one of those sneaky, evil smiles and I woke up.

Hooray to Charlie K for his Oscie!

I was not pleased with Hilary Swank winning because as we all know, it meant Hilary Swank had to make a speech. Doesn't it bother her that she's only winning Oscars when she plays gender bending roles? Does she not realize how unconvincing she is when she's a woman?

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

I'M TRYING TYLER!.....i'm fucking trying.....

All Together Now

One, two, three, four
Can I have a little more?
Five, six, seven eight nine ten I love you.

A, b, c, d
Can I bring my friend to tea?
E, f, g h I j I love you.

Bom Bom Bom Bom BomBom
Sail the ship,
Bom BomBom
chop the tree
Bom BomBom
Skip the rope,
Bom BomBom
look at me

All together now....

Black, white, green, red
Can I take my friend to bed?
Pink, brown, yellow orange and blue I love you

All together now....

Bom Bom Bom Bom BomBom
Sail the ship,
Bom BomBom
chop the tree
Bom BomBom
Skip the rope,
Bom BomBom
look at me

All together now....

The Devil Wears Green

I'm starting to think like those crazy people in the movies. After eating one box of Lucky Charms in the past few days, I started daydreaming about buying many more boxes and hiding them under my bed. The crazy part is that I think this sounds like a really good idea despite the crazy overtones. It's not my fault. I call it crack for a reason.



Just look at those eyes! The evil red hair is trying to poke out! Please remind me to never to do acid and eat Lucky Charms.

you may no longer be sad but I'm still bad

Well, I've officially given up on my first university assignment. After two and a half weeks of avoiding and placid staring, I am throwing in the towel over the essay for my seminar. I only wrote 660 words out of the required 1500 and I already feel like I'm repeating myself. So far I'm occupying my time by deciding how I will break the news. I've never missed a major assignment before so I'm new to this. I was going to go with "I refuse to do this assignment" but that sounded aggressive and stereotypical of a irresponsible male teenager. I don't like pointing out the obvious, unless it's not about me of course. Right now, I'm going with "I decline your request for an essay on this topic." That's polite, right?

I'm not saying that I couldn't do this essay cause after the bookless book report I feel like there's nothing I can't pull out of my ass. I just don't want to do this. After I got back from my excellent Guelphoyage, it hit me. The "fuck, I actually have to go back there" it. I've been daydreaming in class ALOT lately. I mean more than my usual detachedness can provide. I've been thinking about the usual run of the mill worries and anxieties and how a motorcycle or a pile of money or a cigarette would solve them all, but there's been a new star for Sweeps week. Depression. I've been paying close attention to my mood ever since my Dad passed away. Until Christmas everything seemed normal. I was up on the weekend (in more ways than one) then I would be down by wednesday but back up again by friday in anticipation of the weekend. The usual. Lately however, I've been noticing that I am seldom up unless I am highly intoxicated, unnervingly drugged, or if I'm with Bex. Sadly, some of these cures don't do the job occasionally. After contemplating the weather as the culprit for my lack of effort or care for accomplishments, I arrived at a greater beast. I am exceedingly tired. For three months I lived off of 7 hours sleep a night and I was right as rain. Now, I can't do anything to stop me from yawning. 10.5 Hours of sleep and 3 cups of coffee in the morning still make me nap a few hours later. Perhaps oversleeping? 7 hours of sleep results in the same shenanigans. The same with 5 hours.

Recently, I have also become extremely bored with classes, my computer, driving (a personal shock).......even television. As soon as I get bored, my body closes up shop for the day and gets back on its mental mattress. Bex and my music have been the only things keeping me going the last few days. So I'm Boredom Affective Disorder baby. To the bone! I'm starting to question my attention span and the purpose of university. Is it wrong that I feel like making a giant snow fort is tremendously more important than attempting to write this essay? It feels like it is, but what do I care. In five minutes I'll be bored with this post and go listen to music.

The broken record in my head is repeating:
The saxophone duel for first chair as heard in today's episode of Simpsons.
The theme to Bone Daddy 2.
"La la la la" - Homer Simpson (of a family of love.....)
The snippet of Dust Brother's magic from Fight Club (My soundtrack is upstairs) where Tyler let go of the wheel.
"I'm Massey. Steve Massey......ASSHOLE!" and other clever quotes from Constantine.
and thanks to the last track -
"Clever girl." - famous last words of the Velociraptor hunter in Jurassic Park.

Friday, February 18, 2005

A Little Me Time

This has been the best reading week that I could have hoped for. Monday to Wednesday was just a nice mesh of sitting around playing video games and sleeping. I beat XIII but sadly it took me fourteen hours and 36 minutes. I was really hoping for a 13 hour record. The game was alright. Mediocre in the world of 1st-person shooters. The touch of celebrity voices was interesting. It was kind of funny when you figure out your character is David Duchovny and I still enjoy hearing Adam West say "sonofabitch" while rapper Eve's voice was just annoying. The fireworks at the end of the game though proved to be worth more than the 6 dollars paid.

Wednesday I drove around trying to complete as many necessary meetings and visits before I left for Guelph. I only got around to getting a much needed haircut, during which I had another one of those awkward barber chats, and going to Future Shop. I had to take my portable DVD player in because it's starting to piss me off. It keeps reading the disc but never loads. I struggled with the people of FS for a while then just gave up and went downtown to the bus station. Apparently, FS does not repair ANYTHING anymore, they will simply replace it with a brand new one. I guess this is sweet, but I'm a sentimental kind of guy. I like looking at stuff I've owned and remembering better times spent because of my stuff. Anywho, it turns out that they've stopped carrying my model (of course) so I have to exchange for a different kind. Herewith the problem: I payed 500 for mine with all the warranty extensions possible. They want me to take a DVD player worth 240 bucks. As of now, I'm going to contact the manufacturer or some sort of Electronic store police (perhaps the Geek Squad).

I'm now in Guelph and it's been amazing. I've actually been doing work. I also witnessed what it's like to actually be obsessed with Survivor. It was...interesting, but fun. While Bex has been at class, I've been watching some of my favourite flicks to pass the time. It seems that everything I was bored with in T.O. is now gut-ticklin' funny. Even Conan cracked a few good ones with that "In the Year 2000...." bit. My two favourites were "A man will make the best buy at a Best Buy then buy some staples at Staples. He will then go to Taco Bell and get diarrhea." The other is "Prince Charles and (his wife) will release their wedding night video to the public in theatres under the title Seabiscuit 2." Conan's little "Ouch that was harsh." made it all the better.

I seem to be digging for material now, so I'm going to get out now. Maybe I'll go for another walk. The liqour store is only 12 minutes away.

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Be Excited! Be Be Excited!

This Weekend has been amazing! I would point most of it's success to the upcoming march break, that is februarized and called "Reading Week." So far I've been flying through the pages of Hunter S. Thompson and Arthur C. Clarke, soon I'll start with the school readings.

Friday night I went to my first yoga class. The "Kama Sutra" yoga class. I figured it would be an exciting night, and it was completely different. I was so relaxed. I was a little nervous at the beginning, and kept covering my exposed underwear label and occasionally exposed midrift, but after a while, I didn't care. I was excited that I could do some of the "To add a bit of challenge" poses, but was shocked at my lack of balance. I always thought that I had good balance but then again I've never grabbed by big toe and tried to stretch my leg out at a 90 degree angle. I tried using the wall to support but then fell into the wall and almost knocked a picture down. All in all, I was very pleased with my first Yoga class and surprised by just how calming it really was. I see a definite revisit in the near future.

Saturday I lay on a floor mattress with Bex until about 5pm, it was fantastic. My first Saturday off in a long time, and it was well spent! I left there and proceeded to spend money on myself. I bought SW: KOTOR 2 (<--absolute gibberish to many) and XIII. My night was set when I found XIII for 5 FREAKIN BUCKS!! For those of us who spend more than a healthy amount of time in Entertainment stores know that happy, shining feeling that happens when you hold out for something and it ends up happening. (When XIII came out I was excited for the "comic book world" aspect but I refused to pay 60 bucks. That was last March or so, and now I am going to play this game and love every penny!)

I left Best Buy and went and bought myself a Taster's Pack of Beer. It's been a while since my last one, but I decided to go in and buy 7 different international beers. I ended up buying 8 and I'm going to sample one each night of my reading week. I'm excited about the huge bottle of Rasberry beer, and the returning favourite Sapporo.

I later met Shane and he brought over Requiem For A Dream. The film was amazing. Ellen Burstyn was freakishly convincing, and Jennifer Connelly was disturbing. Throughout the whole movie, I kept thinking "I can believe that this is plausible, but I hope it isn't." I was pleased with how far the movie went and how the camera make the actors perfect. Seeing the movie high didn't hurt any either.

Tonight I save the world. I've got my bottle of Bitburger from Germany, and I'm about to sit down and roam through the comic world. The only way this weekend could get better was if I didn't have to go to school this week.

(insert picture of Bart's face after finding out who ran away with the dish)

Monday, February 07, 2005

Ash Tuesday


"Too Early For Flapjacks?"

Royale with Cheese

What an unproductive day! Instead of waking up at 9 and making appointments and finishing homework. I woke up at 12:30, and watched 1/2 of a "film" before I did this, then watched American Splendor before Corner Gas and Smith. As I sat in my room staring at a blank page I decided to go snooping in the closet, for some non-existant item, and I found a book of poetry from my grade 6 class. It had a poem selected, and another written by ever student in the class. I wrote about my cat Toby that had passed shortly before and I chose this poem by Jack Prelutsky. It made me happy that in 8 years, not much has changed.

Today is very boring,
it's a very boring day,
there is nothing much to look at,
there is nothing much to say.
There's a peacock on my sneakers,
there's a penguin on my head,
there's a dormouse on my doorstep,
I am going back to bed.

Today is very boring,
it is boring through and through,
there is absolutely nothing
that I think I want to do.
I see giants riding rhinos,
and an ogre with a sword,
there's a dragon blowing smoke rings,
I am positively bored.

Today is very boring,
I can hardly help but yawn.
There's a flying saucer landing
in the middle of my lawn.
A volcano just erupted
less than half a mile away,
and I think I felt an earthquake,
it's a very boring day.

Several Species of Small Furry Animals Gathered Together In A Cave And Grooving With A Pict


*Hidden Underground*
(Sadly)

Did the Bush administration control the outcome of the Super Bowl? Was a victory for the "Patriots" vital to the entire night's theme of "Love America or We'll fuckin' shoot you!" ?

"It's not paranoia if you're right."--Fox Mulder

Be Afraid Of Who's Looking Back In The Mirror

I'm hoping to get up tomorrow and get some serious work done. I've been in a great mood ever since I cranked up Q at work. I'm hoping it will push onto tomorrow as I try to write an essay and do a bunch of other bullshit. I found out that the author of my next English text, Lynn Crosbie, also wrote a short story that I read in my high school English Lit class called "Paul's Case." I relished in that story but was dreading another lengthy book of poetry......until I found out that the peoms formed a narrative and then I read the opening paragraph:

"... stories in the news this week that have been haunting me -- one was one of the most sinister things I've ever seen. A guy somewhere in M-- had been arrested, except they didn't quite know what to charge him with. For years he'd been collecting newspaper clippings about missing children and unsolved murders -- then on the child's birthday or the anniversary of the murder, he would call the family of the victim and pretend to have vital information on the case or to know the child's whereabouts and say he would call and tell more. And then nnever call again."

-- Missing Children
-Lynn Crosbie

On a non-psychopathic note, the Super Bowl halftime show ROCKED!!!! I would have killed to be Paul on that stage, ripped out of my mind. Those screens and those lights blew my mind! God Bless that Flatscreen. My uncle was overjoyed that the Pat's ("The only team out there that shows true team spirit.") were able to get the victory through "solid playing." I on the other hand was more excited when I totally called Paul's big number. As the first half began to drag on, I kept repeating to my mom how Paul would play "Live and Let Die," or else Band on the Run, because there would be so many great spots to shoot off fireworks. I wasn't expecting to hear any Beatles tracks, and wasn't excited when "Hey Jude" came on.....my least favourite tune. stupid repeat button. I was reminded how great it must be to go to a McCartney show and be there simply because it's McCartney but have to watch everyone else because Paul plays the bass.

Oooo. Just thought of something. Gonna save it for another post following this one.

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Roll the Dice

The Tallest Tree Catches The Most Wind

Walking straight nowadays is more of a hobby than a skill. I've been having trouble sleeping for the last 3 or 4 weeks, and it's really starting to piss me off. I'm not quite at the "Narrator-level" of insomnia but my bed is the last place I want to be a night and the only place I want to be in the morning. I've been philosophizing alot lately, trying to make up defintions or wholly accurate statements about my present situation (Oh no, I'm starting to sound like fuckin Mark Kingwell). I tried the theory that I was having problems with the actual concept of sleeping, as if I was afraid of that whole "I'll never wake up" thing. But it doesn't seem to fit. It really just seems like I don't want to waste any time. So every night I sit, remote in hand, and watch whatever happens to flash past my eyes. Again I am reminded of the "Idiot box" slogan.

I'm currently struggling with the notion that I should be changing my life for the better. Making all of my appointments, setting up meetings, even going to get a freakin haircut all seem like steps that I should be taking to better my life. Yet I'm just unable to do it. Maybe SAD has kicked in, I'm not sure. I feel like SAD would be a stretch for me since the winter was always the joyous season for me, but it's not like we've been having winter, in the traditional sense of the season.

I feel like I just need to set out my priorities and develop some proper motivation.

I was back at the curling club (again) tonight working the closing shift. There was absolutely nothing to do but watch people do things that pissed me off. I'm starting to feel guilty about the lack of work that I've been doing there. I might be working there way too much. Oooo another theory just popped up. Perhaps that since I'm spending most of my weekends cooped up at work, it's denying me my time to go out and relax, thus making me want to stay up late every night and reclaim my lost weekends. Probably not.

Work tonight brought forth a few items.

1. I think that my job may be making me miserable.
2. I got an entire tub of chinese food for free.
3. Another "random" member happened to know my name. That's two thus far this week. I guess this means that I'll have to start talking to some of them as "friends." Shit.

So instead of ending on the note that my job is what's making me depressed (forced laugh), I've decided to spread the AMAZING news.

Feb 10 - Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic 2 comes out for the PC.

I am so fucking ready for that game. I have been waiting SO DAMN LONG! After playing the brilliance of the first one, I'm totally addicted. I thought that not actually being able to fight, like Jedi Outcast, would be boring but MY GOD!!! The interactive plot is the greatest thing ever. And now you can shape how your party turns out? Watch out, there's gonna be one bad-ass interstellar gang goin around. No cyber granny will be safe!

March 22 - The duo that my parents hate (Due to all that late-night thumping) are putting out their next album!!!! Daft Punk will be releasing Human After All. Many have said that it will return to their old style a la Homework, but it doesn't really matter to me. Homework had some groundbreakers for me in my quest for digital thumping, but Discovery has become a recent repeater. Now I just have to buy the white album on CD in the meantime to tide me over.

People of Earth, I come in.....a shiny helmet! Now you must all dance!

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Citizen Ted

Day 2 of the travesty that is Rogers' Centre. I can understand how the Dome needed some extra cash and who better than the devil himself. While I felt the old name was a part of the Toronto culture like our infamous street names, I doesn't matter anymore. The woman who originally named the "Rogers' Centre," doesn't seem to mind, so I guess it's ok. The renos look pretty unneccessary thus far though. I never thought the Jumbotron was that obsolete. Sure it wasn't as crystal clear as some other stadiums but come on.....ITS FREAKIN HUGE!!! It seems that my dream to rent the Dome for a night and do nothing but run around hopped up on everything and spend the entire night playing video games and watching movies on the Jumbotron will ACTUALLY never happen.

The addition of the new scoreboards seems like a good idea. I'm devastated to hear that they're putting one of those ribbon boards around the 300s though. After seeing the one at the ACC, it seems like a waste of money. The ACC needs the light during the basketball games but get a screen that will look like shit when the roof's open. They've also decided to put some screens on the far walls of the outfield. Now, I'm not a huge baseball fan but I do recall that players run into the walls. Have we decided that is no longer painful enough for a man to run full speed into a steel framed wall?

Give it 3 years and my 208 will cease to exist. I'll be in Horror Section 5 in Romero Row.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Waiting with Jesus outside the club

It's been a while since the last posting spree.

Just finished THE presentation of the year! From now on I don't have to open my mouth, I can just drift downstream. and? More carnage than a train wreck.

I passed Mark Kingwell on the way into the building and from that point on, I was teetering on insanity with just a dash of anxiety.

At one point, the prof redirected the discussion to me and I must have gone ghostly white. The girl across from me gave me a weird look and I suddenly realized, "You've got nothing left....stall! STALL!" I started backtracking, mumbling, blaming my incoherent lack of information on "lost" notes. I started contradicting myself and fishing for one line questions. Eventually I was put down, and the prof took over. He talked for 20 mins about concepts that seemed foreign while I covered my face and tried to turn invisible. Then I decide to skip the screening of Candyman (since it's on Moviepix this month) and came home to sulk. I see he's already sent me an autopsy report, and after a minute of self-debate, Hamlet-style, I find that I get an A. 14 Hours of work yesterday. 9 hours before my presentation I realize I need a thesis and pull one of mine cheeks. I swear somebody is secretly sending death threats to my profs. Just tell me where to drop a cheque!

I would've started working on it earlier but Monday turned into a salvage of my hockey season. I was done 1-0 to boston in the semis after trouncing Philadelphia 4-0, and decided to even up the score. I lost (9-2) and it was 2-0. Then 3-0, with a score of 6-5. Then I sneaked in a final breath with a win 3-2. Then another at 8-4, and another at 12-4. I was paralyzed, not wanting to break this streak of excellence. Didn't want to get up, turn on the lights, or eat or drink anything other than the flat can of coke started in game 3. I won the last game 19-2, and despite the thrilling victory, I was saddened that I didn't set a new record of 20 goals. Then I watched Kevin Smith....twice. Can't deny the Kevman.

Groundhog day is officially the best day of the year! I finally finished downloading Pulp Fiction at 4:48 this morning, and now this! I shall reward my luck with gobstoppers and groundhogs!

Winterfella 5555

"So Put Your Little Hand In Mine"

It's that time of year again!

...side of your eye. side of your eye.

Hopefully everyone sits aside an hour or two to watch Billy. I know I'll be watching and I've already conned my mom into watching it.

Besides, everyone should watch it plain and simple because I love that movie....
(wait for it).......I mean the concept is great and the casting is perfect......(almost).....and Bill's hilarious! So go watch it.

"It's a doooooozy!"

Thursday, January 27, 2005

A True Matty Damon Performance

I've come to the conclusion that my most anticipated moment outside of the house everyday is when I get to kick the hard slush off of my car. While it isn't necessary and, with my driving, will most likely fly off, I choose to take this liberty. We have a loose flap under the driver's seat so lots of slushy goodness gets stuck in there. When I was a kid I loved kicking the slush off, but the real treat were knocking off the icicles on the bumper. There's been a real lack of frozen targets on the bumper this year, but that is no matter because I still have my 7 footer at work, hanging off the rain gutter.

While I'm indoors, I can't seem to get enough of NHL 2003. I bought this game last year 1 week after the Leafs were eliminated in the playoffs. In no way am I a hockey fan. The only time I have ever been into hockey was when I was in a fantasy pool, and my only reason for watching was so I could humiliate my hockey playing friends. I played NHL until I got really bored with it. My season wasn't over I still had 2 or 3 months left, but I persevered to the All-Star game. It's still a delight to see my regular season starting line to be chosen by the computer as the 5 best players in the entire game. My season hasn't been as lopsided as the Blue Jays 124-4 baseball season a la Ken Griffey Jr.'s Slugfest, but most games are a walk in the park. Naturally, the difficulty was set at All-Star and I lost the first 7 games until I got my deke move perfected. Now, I haven't played a game where I've scored less than 6 goals. I only lose when the score is 13-12 or an OL at 8-8.

I got back into it a few weeks ago, and after scraping the rust off, I'm back! Last night I trounced the Islanders 19-4 before heading into my fifth last game. Every member of my starting line as broken almost every offensive record, and I've set so many "-hundreth" milestones that I don't care anymore. I don't control the statistics board like I did in Griffey though. Sundin has scored over 250 goals, but McCabe has only scored 123. The last few days have been intense because I've been playing to see that "Clinched Playoff Spot" marker. Now that I've clinched the division title too, only Dallas stands in my way from finishing in the #1 spot. We're neck and neck right now, which is really exciting because I can't remember the last time a sports game gave my grief. My own milestone would be that I cannot guarantee that I will win the Cup.

#30 Steve Massey, who plays left wing for the Leafs, is currently sitting in the #2 scoring position, and hasn't lost a single fight during the season.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Why-Am-I-Talk-ing-Like-A-Speak-And-Spell?

Good G-d I need to live on my own! As much as I love my mother and how I never want to leave my temple of contemplation, I need to be on my own. While I was lying in bed today I started daydreaming about the future and how I can't really see any real glory in adulthood. Commercials are starting to provide unnecessary insight into that unappealing world. Do I really want to go work a mind-numbing or back-breaking job just so that I am able to stare at my very own empty fridge? I figured that the whole reward of working hard and paying that endless list of bills was that you had a place to hang out on friday night without suffering prejudice over your activities or choice of lifestyle. When I think about it that way, I start placing a typical teenage perspective on the entire situation. Where can we get drunk on Friday? I don't feel like standing in that park again.

But if this is my goal of living on my own and how I choose to reward myself for going to work every week and paying my bills, it seems like after 2 or 3 weeks, Friday night will snowball into all nighters playing drunken backgammon with a friend, then trickle into saturdays, leading into an inevitable weekend of complete disconnection with reality. Surely this will affect my ability to work during the week. I feel like the only way I could make it in the "real" world is if I give up all "fun" things. This could be a surefire solution except that I would probably go mad. It's only been a year since I left high school, and I'm already missing those self-discovery trips that I took walking around Toronto. The time I got lost in the Wynford area, resulted in me standing in the middle of intersections peering down streets for landmarks. If anyone had seen us, we probably would have been arrested. Every 2 days I'm told to start planning my future. Open this account, start doing this. Get in the habit of this.

5 years ago, I felt like I knew who I was. Then I started drinking, smoking and heavily using pot. Then I felt like I was awakening a new side of me. I started over-analyzing everything during routine (sometimes daily) "circles." I started noticing things about other people, and even myself. I started to take pride in certain aspects of my life that I had been embarrassed about before such as my constant need to hold open the door for the person behind me, and how I had great respect for the "classic gentleman" of early films. I knew that I wasn't "classy" but was proud of my aspirations. Booze and drugs got me in trouble with my mom, such as the time she showed up and I was drinking tequila from a bottle as I held up my puking friend. While it made a rift between us, it allowed me to open up a little with her and be a little more mature about my weekend activities. It was alright for me to get sloshed just so that I didn't ride my bike home and that I was home at a reasonable time. Naturally, using booze and pot heavily I began to abuse the guidelines and continued to let down my parents while my schoolwork become second fiddle to where I was getting fucked on friday. Grade 9 Math - 89%. Grade 10, 11 Math, 12 Calculus - 50%. Can you guess which year I started?

High school ended, during which I had a brief stint of dealing pot for about 1 week just to say that I was once a drug dealer (why, I dont know), and I proceeded to spiral. I finished my half semester in January, and my parents were gracious enough to believe me that I was going to take a few months off, then get a job before university. Thankfully I had my job at the curling club so that I had a paycheck to blow on booze and pot every 2 weeks. I saved nothing. (Sidenote: In my first year at the curling club, coincidentally the year I turned to the Dark Side, I made close to 3 grand. I had nothing at the end of the year, and I presume 50 to 70 percent of that was spent on booze, drugs and cab rides home.)

During my post high school vacation time, I no longer felt like I knew myself. The dark side that had been awakened had fully taken over. My musical taste had drastically changed from public school, my taste in movies, clothes, food and friends were all different. Being an old-fashioned type every person from Bessborough seems like a dear, close friend. Adam, Sean, yes even you Timo, seem like you molded the construct that was Stephen. Through high school the chum bunch, the babe buffet and the drama crowd all helped program me under the tutelage of my deconstructive confidante Shane. He and I bounced back and forth between groups throughout high school but by the end I felt like there was no place I could go without him. He penned it quite nicely a few months ago when I was described as " his brother who he couldn't get rid of even if he wanted to." Having a second mind just a phone call away, I began to shape my worldly perspectives that I had developed during those hazy friday nights.

The spring of 2004 came and my life reached a new plateau. I always vowed that no matter how much I drank or smoked, I was comfortable at my level of involvement and would never move ahead. That was until, like every other substance, I was suckered in by peer pressure at a party and decided to try shrooms. Naturally, I freaked out, tripping at images dancing at the brink of the screen, and rooms seeming to grow. I discovered that shrooms created an entire new perspective on the world, often creating mind-bending discussions. As soon as I drunkenly mistook a log for a corpse, I was hooked. The next shroom trip resulted in the infamous journey to Sunnybrook Field. Probably one of the greatest nights of my life that I would put into contention for my everlasting memory if I died. That field began the whole line of self-questioning, as well as helping me to appreciate my life and the world. I grew closer to my parents, to Bex, to my friends, but I still felt disconnected from myself. Months went by, I did in fact get that job (just barely), but I continued my "self-desctructive" pattern. I also discovered my love of driving during the summer (don't worry, no drugs or booze were involved), to which I coined my description of shrooms. "Letting go of the wheel." There's a whole hand movement and a facial expression that accompany it.

I kept destroying myself until my dad went into the hospital. From then on, nothing was the same. I was clean for a long time, not wanting to waste any time in case the impossible happened. I also felt robbed, not only in the obvious way but I also never got a chance to find out if my dad had ever lived like I was. Strange enough, I will always wonder if he ever smoked pot. After he passed away, I was frightened to do shrooms, and even get really high. I feared that I would get into some sort of train of thought that would end up with my crying or mentally instable. At that point I was still figuring out my relationship with death and whether my actions were being watched. Therefore, I didn't want to do anything to bring shame to my family now that a pair of eyes were following me. I started putting up walls between me and certain aspects of my life, which freaked my out even more thinking I would turn into another Bob Geldof. Eventually I did shrooms again, and went out drinking, resulting in many questions about the meaning of life. Still, I haven't returned to that life. I'm currently in university missing a phase of my life that I just came from and fearing a phase I'm moving into. My dad never made it to university and my mom dropped out halfway through (I believe). I made it a personal goal to complete university sort of "in honour" of my parents and how they brought me up. I figure now that they will now they did a good job, if I graduate from university and complete the entire stereotyped "happy" family. What happens after university? I'm not sure. Will I return to my ways? I'm currently having trouble staying on top of my work and being motivated to learn because I try to go to my classes, while also fitting in all my time at the curling club and trying to revisit "the glory days." I smoked pot for the first time in about a month and a half, a week ago. That seemed like an eternity for me. I was so rusty, I couldn't even tell 3 of my companions were on shrooms. I don't feel like I'm done with shrooms, and I feel like pot will always be a part of me. It depresses me to think that I'm dependant on a drug that has to alter my perception of reality, but it also comforts me.

(begin playing the intro to Rolling Stones "Gimme Shelter")

I don't know who I am yet, but at least I'm curious.

(Start mind-jamming music and watch Milkdrop on Winamp)


I'm just starting to read Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. I'm getting one of those weird "book was written for me" vibes. If any of that book, or this post sounds familiar to you, send me an email. Probably the only thing I enjoy more than messing my head up, is talking about how I messed my head up. If not then you can join the others who are staring at me with disgust. At least we've got something to talk about if you ever meet me.

P.S. My shroomed, Meaning of life conversation is currently on pause at either:
Childhood or Conciousness. Childhood was the epiphany, but seemed to depressing and suicidal so I decided to throw in conciousness for all you optimists.