_______ FOUR YEARS
okay so i am bragging.....can you blame me?
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Marital Issues
Can't believe I almost forgot to blog this. Ever since I heard it I knew it was destined for blogdom.
As I was sitting outside Robarts waiting for my mom to pick me up and give me a ride home, many many people walked by me, obviously on their way to persons, places or things.
THEN one woman is walking by talking on a cell phone, I'm not listening in or paying attention until she enters my helpless zone, where whatever you say I'm going to hear only because I have ears and they work. I hear the gem: "Well, you're the one who didn't want to marry me cause I don't walk to school."
Oh yeah. I debated following hear and eavesdropping but stalkers have ruined it for everybody.
As I was sitting outside Robarts waiting for my mom to pick me up and give me a ride home, many many people walked by me, obviously on their way to persons, places or things.
THEN one woman is walking by talking on a cell phone, I'm not listening in or paying attention until she enters my helpless zone, where whatever you say I'm going to hear only because I have ears and they work. I hear the gem: "Well, you're the one who didn't want to marry me cause I don't walk to school."
Oh yeah. I debated following hear and eavesdropping but stalkers have ruined it for everybody.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
I own the greatest pants in the world.
I did my laundry today and for some reason I was compelled to check the pockets. I never do. Today in my green khakis, with two zippered cargos, I find in the left cargo, 25 bucks, and in the right, a subway token. My pants make your pants look like capris.
My title also reflects my puzzlement with the phrase "pair of pants." I understand the "pant leg," two legs on a human body; therefore two pants. Maybe this has nothing to do with the title and I'm creating personal quams in order to procrastinate this paper.
Huh.
My title also reflects my puzzlement with the phrase "pair of pants." I understand the "pant leg," two legs on a human body; therefore two pants. Maybe this has nothing to do with the title and I'm creating personal quams in order to procrastinate this paper.
Huh.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Movie Etiquette Part 1: Seating
Instead of starting the essay that is due in 42 hours how about a brief first installment of Movie Etiquette. I will no doubt add more later either by editing or just adding rambly comments. yes commenting on one's one blog for one's own satisfaction.
I have decided to skip the more logical beginning of choosing a film, since I have not given much thought on the matter. Onto Seating. I feel like picking a seat in a theatre is not only a personal choice but should also be a socially accepted choice. Most of these points due now apply to a cinematic adventure to a multiplex since they're seating is built to erradicate most...of these problems.
Rule 1
Always show up on time.
I know that it happens from time to time but cut it out. I was recently a repeat offender but I have learned the error of my ways. Not only do you miss sweet previews or important community information (ie smaller venues) you also do not get to choose from the maximum amount of options available to you. Instead of an entire theatre, you are stuck with "what is the closest seat to me," or the aisle. And in case you didn't know, the aisle sucks balls. If you are a true snob like myself and are aware of suture and spectatorial identification, you like to immerse yourself in the cinematic world you are watching. Nothing can pull you back out by being mesmerized by those classy lit up stairs. Fire necessity or Sideshow.
Now if you do happen to show up late, try to make your presence scarce. If the only available seats you can see are in the 5 row island at the front, fuck you. You came in late, so you better sit there. In fact as of now, I feel like that's what the island is for anyway. Nobody wants to sit there but you have to.
Other notes: If you show up late and call out someone's name, I will hunt that "Carol" or "Peter" down. Mark my words, mark them well. Also, if you ever show up late and walk up the stairs only to find that the early (good) people have taken the seats, expect a kick in the ass to help you back down the stairs. And for the life of me if you show up on time then leave for snacks then come back late, you are a fucktard. Late people are one thing, they sit in the island of shame, but you. YOU! You must travel back up the stairs to your seat dead centre with a tray of nachos (which drip cheese everytime) and a large cola with so much ice, it resembles maracas.
Rule 2
We all came to see this movie so we're all going to see it.
I know for some, grade school was a long time ago but the lessons they taught us tend to be the only ones we ever remember, even that I before E bullshit. Tallest in the back, shortest in the front. For those smaller venues where seats are not fastened to a ski jump ramp, we must all sit in a room on (gasp) a flat floor in order to watch the movie. If you're tall and can't get a seat in the back, move towards the sides. Nobody will mind if they can't see the wall through your head.
Hats should remain off during screenings, either top hat bowler or that baseball cap you threw on to cover your hair (unless of course you're in the front and the hat is you keep your fro down). Always remember, you're about to enter a room darkened for the purpose of not being able to see anyone else. No one will notice your friz. Finally, if you are of the unlucky few who have developed internal, medical problems that require frequent visits to the bathroom and yet (!) refuse to let your ailment ruin your love of cinema......sit on the aisle. Tough shit. You know you've walked into the den of the enemy, so know your place. Or if you really love movies, show up and get one of the seats in the front row, if you must sit in the middle.
Rule 3
One of the secrets of film is how a spectator's gaze can be directed by the slightest motion before them.
Sitting in my film classes, I could not count the number of times that I have been watching a film and thoroughly enjoying it, only for the entire thing to be ruined by someone in front of me, who will not sit still. If you are a fidgeter, be aware of your actions. I am a fidgeter. Have been all my life, right from the single digit years of schooling where i drummed on desks and made bizarre noises only to keep myself occupied. I sit in the back row or on the sides. Yes even an aisle if I have to, only because I don't want to ruin it for everyone as I re-adjust every 20 minutes to breathe some like back into my ass cheeks. The constantly moving silhouette before your eyes is the deadly motion before you, but beware! The enemy can strike from the left! The right! Even from the seat behind you! They lurk in the dark corners of the theatre and fuck your entire movie up with one leg that twitches up and down...up and down....up and down. Creating some sort of universal, anti-gravity, dark matter energy that seems to pulsate through the backs of every movie chair within a 5 mile radius. These people, or twitchers as I have apparently labelled them, are the enemy, for they twitch and are unawares of their own "twitchiness." And if you are one and are aware, may you rot in the bowels of New Mexico.
Twitchers should sit near the ends of rows so that their vibratory badness can only extend along one direction of the axis of evil. If a twitcher is ever sitting right behind you and your chair feels like an Apollo mission, turn around and say "I'm sorry, but I don't remember dropping the nickel in for magic fingers." Or something more clever and bitier than that (I only came up with that right now people. This is a rant blog not a cleverly scripted Kaufman film. Judge not lest ye be a fuckface.).
So all I've got for now is three rules. Thats not bad, huh? Only three. You can always remember this as AWO, as in "uh whoa, am I sitting where I should be?"
Other Points to Note: (or: Things I May Add Later)
If in a large group, never sit in between a couple or allow a couple to sit in the middle of a large group. They should sit on the ends because we all know they're going to talk and say cutesy things throughout.
Children should sit in between of parents that way there are four hands readily available to hold or slap (if you're from the south or Hamilton) the child to prevent fidgeting.
Those who know they will be seeing a movie with someone who always asks questions should sit in the island (shame on you for bringing them) or as close to a speaker as possible so they can just shrug and mime "I can't hear you, tell me after."
And under no circumstances EVER are you to obstruct the projector while walking to your seat. I will cut you.
On that note:
Stay tuned for the next installement of Movie Etiquette, "Part 2: Snacks."
I have decided to skip the more logical beginning of choosing a film, since I have not given much thought on the matter. Onto Seating. I feel like picking a seat in a theatre is not only a personal choice but should also be a socially accepted choice. Most of these points due now apply to a cinematic adventure to a multiplex since they're seating is built to erradicate most...of these problems.
Rule 1
Always show up on time.
I know that it happens from time to time but cut it out. I was recently a repeat offender but I have learned the error of my ways. Not only do you miss sweet previews or important community information (ie smaller venues) you also do not get to choose from the maximum amount of options available to you. Instead of an entire theatre, you are stuck with "what is the closest seat to me," or the aisle. And in case you didn't know, the aisle sucks balls. If you are a true snob like myself and are aware of suture and spectatorial identification, you like to immerse yourself in the cinematic world you are watching. Nothing can pull you back out by being mesmerized by those classy lit up stairs. Fire necessity or Sideshow.
Now if you do happen to show up late, try to make your presence scarce. If the only available seats you can see are in the 5 row island at the front, fuck you. You came in late, so you better sit there. In fact as of now, I feel like that's what the island is for anyway. Nobody wants to sit there but you have to.
Other notes: If you show up late and call out someone's name, I will hunt that "Carol" or "Peter" down. Mark my words, mark them well. Also, if you ever show up late and walk up the stairs only to find that the early (good) people have taken the seats, expect a kick in the ass to help you back down the stairs. And for the life of me if you show up on time then leave for snacks then come back late, you are a fucktard. Late people are one thing, they sit in the island of shame, but you. YOU! You must travel back up the stairs to your seat dead centre with a tray of nachos (which drip cheese everytime) and a large cola with so much ice, it resembles maracas.
Rule 2
We all came to see this movie so we're all going to see it.
I know for some, grade school was a long time ago but the lessons they taught us tend to be the only ones we ever remember, even that I before E bullshit. Tallest in the back, shortest in the front. For those smaller venues where seats are not fastened to a ski jump ramp, we must all sit in a room on (gasp) a flat floor in order to watch the movie. If you're tall and can't get a seat in the back, move towards the sides. Nobody will mind if they can't see the wall through your head.
Hats should remain off during screenings, either top hat bowler or that baseball cap you threw on to cover your hair (unless of course you're in the front and the hat is you keep your fro down). Always remember, you're about to enter a room darkened for the purpose of not being able to see anyone else. No one will notice your friz. Finally, if you are of the unlucky few who have developed internal, medical problems that require frequent visits to the bathroom and yet (!) refuse to let your ailment ruin your love of cinema......sit on the aisle. Tough shit. You know you've walked into the den of the enemy, so know your place. Or if you really love movies, show up and get one of the seats in the front row, if you must sit in the middle.
Rule 3
One of the secrets of film is how a spectator's gaze can be directed by the slightest motion before them.
Sitting in my film classes, I could not count the number of times that I have been watching a film and thoroughly enjoying it, only for the entire thing to be ruined by someone in front of me, who will not sit still. If you are a fidgeter, be aware of your actions. I am a fidgeter. Have been all my life, right from the single digit years of schooling where i drummed on desks and made bizarre noises only to keep myself occupied. I sit in the back row or on the sides. Yes even an aisle if I have to, only because I don't want to ruin it for everyone as I re-adjust every 20 minutes to breathe some like back into my ass cheeks. The constantly moving silhouette before your eyes is the deadly motion before you, but beware! The enemy can strike from the left! The right! Even from the seat behind you! They lurk in the dark corners of the theatre and fuck your entire movie up with one leg that twitches up and down...up and down....up and down. Creating some sort of universal, anti-gravity, dark matter energy that seems to pulsate through the backs of every movie chair within a 5 mile radius. These people, or twitchers as I have apparently labelled them, are the enemy, for they twitch and are unawares of their own "twitchiness." And if you are one and are aware, may you rot in the bowels of New Mexico.
Twitchers should sit near the ends of rows so that their vibratory badness can only extend along one direction of the axis of evil. If a twitcher is ever sitting right behind you and your chair feels like an Apollo mission, turn around and say "I'm sorry, but I don't remember dropping the nickel in for magic fingers." Or something more clever and bitier than that (I only came up with that right now people. This is a rant blog not a cleverly scripted Kaufman film. Judge not lest ye be a fuckface.).
So all I've got for now is three rules. Thats not bad, huh? Only three. You can always remember this as AWO, as in "uh whoa, am I sitting where I should be?"
Other Points to Note: (or: Things I May Add Later)
If in a large group, never sit in between a couple or allow a couple to sit in the middle of a large group. They should sit on the ends because we all know they're going to talk and say cutesy things throughout.
Children should sit in between of parents that way there are four hands readily available to hold or slap (if you're from the south or Hamilton) the child to prevent fidgeting.
Those who know they will be seeing a movie with someone who always asks questions should sit in the island (shame on you for bringing them) or as close to a speaker as possible so they can just shrug and mime "I can't hear you, tell me after."
And under no circumstances EVER are you to obstruct the projector while walking to your seat. I will cut you.
On that note:
Stay tuned for the next installement of Movie Etiquette, "Part 2: Snacks."