Well, I've officially given up on my first university assignment. After two and a half weeks of avoiding and placid staring, I am throwing in the towel over the essay for my seminar. I only wrote 660 words out of the required 1500 and I already feel like I'm repeating myself. So far I'm occupying my time by deciding how I will break the news. I've never missed a major assignment before so I'm new to this. I was going to go with "I refuse to do this assignment" but that sounded aggressive and stereotypical of a irresponsible male teenager. I don't like pointing out the obvious, unless it's not about me of course. Right now, I'm going with "I decline your request for an essay on this topic." That's polite, right?
I'm not saying that I couldn't do this essay cause after the bookless book report I feel like there's nothing I can't pull out of my ass. I just don't want to do this. After I got back from my excellent Guelphoyage, it hit me. The "fuck, I actually have to go back there" it. I've been daydreaming in class ALOT lately. I mean more than my usual detachedness can provide. I've been thinking about the usual run of the mill worries and anxieties and how a motorcycle or a pile of money or a cigarette would solve them all, but there's been a new star for Sweeps week. Depression. I've been paying close attention to my mood ever since my Dad passed away. Until Christmas everything seemed normal. I was up on the weekend (in more ways than one) then I would be down by wednesday but back up again by friday in anticipation of the weekend. The usual. Lately however, I've been noticing that I am seldom up unless I am highly intoxicated, unnervingly drugged, or if I'm with Bex. Sadly, some of these cures don't do the job occasionally. After contemplating the weather as the culprit for my lack of effort or care for accomplishments, I arrived at a greater beast. I am exceedingly tired. For three months I lived off of 7 hours sleep a night and I was right as rain. Now, I can't do anything to stop me from yawning. 10.5 Hours of sleep and 3 cups of coffee in the morning still make me nap a few hours later. Perhaps oversleeping? 7 hours of sleep results in the same shenanigans. The same with 5 hours.
Recently, I have also become extremely bored with classes, my computer, driving (a personal shock).......even television. As soon as I get bored, my body closes up shop for the day and gets back on its mental mattress. Bex and my music have been the only things keeping me going the last few days. So I'm Boredom Affective Disorder baby. To the bone! I'm starting to question my attention span and the purpose of university. Is it wrong that I feel like making a giant snow fort is tremendously more important than attempting to write this essay? It feels like it is, but what do I care. In five minutes I'll be bored with this post and go listen to music.
The broken record in my head is repeating:
The saxophone duel for first chair as heard in today's episode of Simpsons.
The theme to Bone Daddy 2.
"La la la la" - Homer Simpson (of a family of love.....)
The snippet of Dust Brother's magic from Fight Club (My soundtrack is upstairs) where Tyler let go of the wheel.
"I'm Massey. Steve Massey......ASSHOLE!" and other clever quotes from Constantine.
and thanks to the last track -
"Clever girl." - famous last words of the Velociraptor hunter in Jurassic Park.
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