Caged Heat

Boy howdy am I working on some tuff turf. I had a paper due today at noon that I officially started the outline on tonight at 10pm. its that kind of day. all i want to do is finish this paper so that i can enjoy my independence. It's odd how living on my own provides me with all this opportunity to express myself however I want. I always thought that my own place would allow me to finish my school work since i would constantly be working on my own terms, on my own schedule. Oddly enough, I've been doing less and less work. When I have all the free time in the world, I seem to want to fill it with every hobby, back order project and amusing activity that I have kept bottled up for the las 20 years. Ironically, I haven't watched a single movie for pleasure since I moved in. I watched a few for school but mostly I just want to play video games, or sit around and listen to music. I'm starting to feel like quite the fool, after surrounding myself with filmic references and cinema chi. I did finish my shakespeare paper (last one of the year KA-BLAMO!) but once again, the film theory paper has left me with the writing jitters. I think the stigma that surrounds this course has had me spooked since the beginning of the year. Not to mention the constant confusion that erupts in my brain during lecture. For instance, today we learned about Freud's notion of disavowal, with respect to the spectator's disavowal of the real in order to gain pleasure from watching. All good and said, but my lord I haven't heard the word genitals used so plainly that often since grade 9 health.

I'm currently on my second night of dawn-pushing. I was up til 6 yesterday finishing off the shakespeare paper and enjoying some "quality" time with the miss via the cyber highway. I'm debating skipping class tomorrow to finish this paper, since I seem to need a complete day to fuck around with in order to finish anything, but I'm compelled to go to Film History in the event of any interesting tidbits about this week's movie. Fellini. 8.5. so psyched. I'm feeling the vibe of this school week and it feels like THE week for movies. Today was Being John Malkovich for Theory in our Apparatus Theory section, wednesday is 8.5 and tomorrow is hopefully something good for pop film. We're coming out of the yuppie horror film section so it can only get better. Too much James Spader rots the senses. In addition to these gems, I have finally gotten my hands on some materials to create some amazing movie/album sync ups. I'm most excited for the Disney animated Robin Hood and Pink Floyd's animals as well as Alice and The Wall. I've only tried out the first 2 songs and my god, its already blowing my mind.

4:42am.
Film History starts at 11am.
Have not finished taking notes on the Christian Metz article in question.
That's my cue, I still have to write my critique of Beau Travail to boot.

As my moment of zen today, i felt awkward showing up to class and not handing in the paper in theory, but when i went to shakespeare to hand in the hamlet essay, the guy next to me who i chat with occasionally attended without a paper to hand in. It made me feel like a part of the system once again. There is hope yet.

I leave you with exciting news and Ka-Blamo news.

Former: V for Vendetta slowly approaches. The days dwindle as the subway ads continue to mock me.
Latter: There is a good, good chance that I will be seeing V for Vendetta 4 days before it comes out in theatres.

Yeah, I'm gonna go watch Natalie Portman's gangsta rap again to get psyched up even more.